The mind-numbing routines of laundry, vacuuming and mopping. All. Day. Long.
The lack of interaction with adults. A toddler's repetitive "Why?" (or, rather "whyyyyyyyy?") is not exactly stimulating conversation.
Snot. And other (worse) bodily functions that must be dealt with.
Stigmas. I can tell myself that people are just ignorant all I want, but it still hurts when they assume I must be less intelligent simply because I choose to not be in the workplace anymore.
And really, it IS hard to continue to challenge myself intellectually. The Cat In The Hat doesn't really push my mental capabilities (although I am pretty good at saying tongue twisters now!).
As much as I absolutely adore my children and would lay my life aside without a thought for them, there are times when I feel like--if one more person wants to cling to me or touch me or demand something of me--I might explode, or just collapse from exhaustion. Especially since this pregnancy has been so hard physically. Sometimes just walking is a challenge, much less carrying a two and a half year old.
There are times when I am pretty sure I have done permanent damage to my sinuses or my skin from all the cleaning fumes. My Handsome Engineer loves to remind me about respirator masks (especially after I bleached the inside of a cabinet last week and smelled bleach for hours).
Every mom feels like this at some point. Sometimes it is moments, sometimes it is days. Sometimes life is just hard and those moments stretch into weeks or months. I know I have been there. And yet, somehow, we find the strength to smile and hug our kids, to tame the part of us that just wants to hide under the covers or run away for a few days.
And then we get special gifts from our kids. The things they don't even realize they have done, or what it means to us. The things that I would have missed if I had shut down. Those moments that make me want to sob, not from frustration, but sheer joy.
Things like Lil Bit's homework on thankfulness last week:
And just like that, I am reminded that the laundry and the snotty tissues, and the million mundane tasks are simply a small part of what I really have. I am available when my girls need me, and that is truly priceless.
And then I call my Handsome Engineer at work and cry with happiness.
I am sure pregnancy hormones didn't have anything to do with that last part . . .
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5 comments:
It is worth every moment you are home. I know it is hard sometimes-- but when you said to me many years ago, "I like that you are home when I get home from school," it meant the world to me.
You are the best mom!
Love, Moppy
That little note made me cry! A few simple words that mean so much.
I agree with every word you wrote (except the currently being pregnant part).
Logan said the same thing to me and it reminds me of why I do what I do. We can never get these childhood years back, so it is worth the sacrifice!
That is wonderful! But Miss Meghann you should NOT be messing with bleach!!! Aside from on a little vomit or cat pee! Are you NESTING or something ? :) What happened to Shaklee? I actually got some of the stuff more recently and I use it almost all the time. One bottle of basic H2 has lasted me about 2 years! I recently broke down and got some bleach for the boys' bathroom (need i say more) but I am not the one to use it. Oh, I think I forgot to tell you our news...:)
Super duper sweet. Makes it worth it.
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